Channeling Fear Factor

I'm afraid of everything to some degree. Call me scary if you want; it is what it is. I'm super jumpy, scare easily, and you couldn't pay me to go to a haunted house.

But unfortunately, life doesn't let us avoid things just because we fear them. And even more unfortunate, life can easily turn into one bizarre episode of Fear Factor.

I had a moment with fear last week. It was unexpected but not surprising. This go-round, my "moment" involved my anxiety getting the better of me. I became overwhelmed and fearful of everything.

I began interrogating myself about all of the 'what ifs' in my life:

"What if I can't get my writing published?"

"What if my brand flops?"

"What if things don't work out with my career?"

"What if I die old and alone as a cat lady?"

And on and on and it don't stop!

All of this fear just attacked me at once and I completely shut down. All I needed was the opportunity to detach, and it happened. It's way too easy for me to isolate myself in moments of uncertainty and doubt. And that's exactly what it was: uncertainty and doubt clouding my self-esteem.

I mean, that's the foundation of my fear, after all. The idea that I am not enough—qualified enough, talented enough, pretty enough, good enough—is the ultimate architect of my fear.

But, I caught myself (this time). I showed actual growth and did something that has been consistently hard for me to do: I reached out for help. I talked to two friends and one of my siblings. They heard me out and let me vent, then quickly reminded me of who the hell I am: a resilient, creative, beautiful woman who is destined for greatness she can't even fathom.

It wasn't until these pep-talks that I realized something: fear is the ultimate challenger. Its very existence is evidence that there is still room to grow, and overcoming it is what displays that growth.

Look, I'm not saying that fear is optional or being scared says that you are weak. I am instead saying that fear is a call to action, a constant that forces us to choose between rising in spite of or halting because of its presence.

Fear doesn't have to be this huge enemy on its own. It can also be a motivator. The circumstance may not be something within our control, but we can control how we proceed. I think I'll try using my fears to motivate me from now on. It's like accepting a challenge—a challenge to overcome, move beyond, conquer—and I've never been one to back down from a challenge. Though I haven't always seen it this way, I now see fear as an opportunity to level up and overcome rather than just another brick wall. Besides, walls were meant to be broken.

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